


Fandom Stockings

by daystarsearcher



Category: A Prairie Home Companion, Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (2005), Guy Noir: Private Eye, Leverage, Sarah Jane Adventures
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe, Crossover, Drabble Collection, F/F, F/M, Fandom Stocking 2011, Ficlet Collection, Fluff, Horror, Hurt/Comfort, Mindsex, Other, Romance, Satire, Telepathic Sex, Vignette, references to past nonconsensual telepathic contact
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-05-13 09:01:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 1,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5702689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daystarsearcher/pseuds/daystarsearcher
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of all the little ficlets I wrote for the 2011 fandom_stocking, gathered together in one place for convenience.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. All in the Timing

**Author's Note:**

> Romana/Leela, zombies (this is the ficlet with the explicit violence warning. But it's all against zombies.) Written for netgirl_y2k.
> 
> As always, Doctor Who and all its characters are the property of the BBC.

It was not that Romana objected to the idea of Leela kissing her, specifically. It was just that she objected to the idea of Leela kissing her when she, Romana, was trying to blast a zombie in the head.

“Do you mind?” she asked, rather too breathlessly. “Your hair is playing bloody havoc with my sight line.”

Leela made a face that could have been called a pout by someone not particularly attached to the habit of continued breathing. She hurled a knife through the air, pinning an unfortunate zombie through the forehead as it tried to climb over the windowsill. “That was not how you were supposed to respond.”

“Later?” Romana suggested, gunning down two zombies to create a domino effect all down the side of the tower.

Leela grinned. “Later.”

And then she whirled around to face the zombie that had been coming up behind them the entire time, and stabbed him in the eye.


	2. Previous Obligations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River/Thievery, written for cat_77.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> River/Thievery, written for cat_77.

“What do you _mean,_ you’re already married?!”

“I should’ve thought that was perfectly obvious, sweetie.” River adjusted her earrings in the mirror, and watched the Doctor’s face turn an entertaining shade of red. She smirked. “Would you like me to repeat it again?”

“Who? What? Where? When? Why?”

“Well, it’s a bit complicated—”

The Doctor paled. “It’s me, isn’t it? Oh River, it’s terribly flattering but please don’t tell me you made a shroud’s knot out of causality just to marry _all_ my incarnations—”

“It’s not you.”

The Doctor spared a second to look disappointed before moving on to horrified. “Or Jack, it’s not Jack, is it? Mind you, I know you haven’t actually met, but if he ever let a little thing like that stop him from flirting—”

“It’s not so much a person, really.” She smoothed down her dress. “Are you ready to go the party?”

“Not till we clear this up. And what do you mean, ‘not so much a person?’ You didn’t marry a Dalek, did you? An Auton is one thing, but I’m really going to have to take a Dalek personally—”

River sighed. “Not so much a person because it was a _concept_.”

A pause.

“You got married to a concept?”

“Yes.”

Another pause.

“Any concept I know?”

“Thievery.”

“How…?”

“It’s a very, very, _very_ long story, Doctor, involving a remote planet, the Sacred Emerald of Oksis, an order of very angry priestess with pointy spears, and a religious tome riddled with typos. And if I promise to tell you later, can we go meet Frank Sinatra now?”

The Doctor considered this. “Oh, all right.” He offered her his arm. “And I just want you to know, I’m sure you and Thievery will be very happy together.”


	3. And Then There Was That Time...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donna/Awesome. Sort of a prequel to the 'Previous Obligations,' also written for cat_77.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Donna/Awesome. Sort of a prequel to the 'Previous Obligations,' also written for cat_77.

“The priestesses married me to WHAT?” Donna’s voice climbed a scale like a mountaineer tackling Everest.

The Doctor winced. “Er, the concept of Awesome.”

“Oh.” Donna thought about this. “Well, about bloody time.”


	4. Life's Persistent Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Third Doctor era 'Guy Noir, Private Eye' AU. Probably won't make much sense unless you've listened to Garrison Keillor's 'A Prairie Home Companion' before. Hopefully still funny. Written for justice_turtle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Third Doctor era 'Guy Noir, Private Eye' AU. Probably won't make much sense unless you've listened to Garrison Keillor's 'A Prairie Home Companion' before. Hopefully still funny. Written for justice_turtle.

_A dark night in a city that knows how to keep its secrets. But on the twelfth floor of the ACME Building, one man is trying to find the answers to life's persistent questions: The Doctor, Private Eye._

It was December, and the weather in Saint Paul was the kind that inspired people to start knitting and never stop. Firefighters had already had to cut two grannies out of their own Gordian knots of yarn, and the coffeehouses were lousy with trendy young people wearing ironic knitted beards without regard to gender, fashion, or common human decency.

Christmas was drawing ever closer, as it tends to do in December. Money was tight—I hadn’t had a case since the Master skipped town. My latest secretary had flown off in a huff; something about how all I needed was someone to pass me sandwiches and tell me how insightful my deductions are. I wasn’t sure what she meant by that. To top it off, the super—a man who called himself Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart, as though he’d started collecting names as a hobby that had then become a crippling addiction—had been dropping hints about the rent. And if I didn’t pick up on them soon, he was going to drop me. Possibly off the fourth floor of the Mall of America and into the Nickelodeon Universe.

All in all, I was contemplating using Liz’s left-behind stash of yarn to cable-knit a decorative noose, when a woman walked into the room. She was petite and blonde and exuded innocence like a Glade PlugIn that’d been filled with naivete instead of Apple Cinnamon or Clean Linen. 

“No tea, today, thanks,” I said. “Thought I told Mike not to send anything up from the deli; I can’t afford it right now.”

“I’m not from the deli!” she exclaimed with a pout. Pouts are a hard facial expression to exclaim in for most people, but she had the kind of lips made for pouting, probably in a joint creative session between God and the Devil. She put her hands on her hips, though I wasn’t sure if she was trying to communicate her annoyance or prevent the top half of her dress from sneaking off the way the lower half seemed to have done.

“My name’s Jo Grant, Mr. Doctor,” she said. “And I have a case for you.”


	5. Decibels and Richter Scales

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mel/Ace fluff, written for cosmic_llin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mel/Ace fluff, written for cosmic_llin.

Later, when the dust had cleared, Mel made a very impassioned speech to Ace about how grateful she was that Ace and the Doctor had refused to let her go with Glitz, and what a marvelous adventure it had been tracking down and thwarting the evil Psychotrons who had been influencing her mind in a frankly overcomplicated and confusing attempt to trap the Doctor, and that she was very very sorry about screaming directly in Ace’s ear when that Psychotron had popped up out of nowhere yesterday, and also for screaming directly in Ace’s ear five minutes ago, though for entirely different reasons.

“Budge over, Doughnut,” Ace mumbled, giving her a sleepy, affectionate half-shove. “You’re hogging the covers.”


	6. Tom and Sarah Jane Baker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leverage/Doctor Who crossover written for azarsuerte.  
>   
> You know Hardison is totally a Four/Sarah Jane shipper.  
>   
> Also, the Stop Online Piracy Act is legitimately terrifying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leverage/Doctor Who crossover written for azarsuerte.  
>   
> You know Hardison is totally a Four/Sarah Jane shipper.  
>   
> Also, the Stop Online Piracy Act is legitimately terrifying.

“I don’t understand, Congressman,” the page said. He wiped the sheen of sweat off his brow. “We’ve had the techies working on it for hours, but it won’t budge—”

“And you say it’s only affecting the members who support the Stop Online Piracy Act?”

“Yessir. Everytime they turn on their computers, well—” The young man gestured towards the nearby laptop, whose screen read _I DON’T THINK THESE COWS KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE TIME SCANNER._ “Something like that.”

“Hmm.” He scowled, reading down a list of similar malfunctions. “What the hell is a jelly baby, anyway?”

xxxxx

Hardison looked upon his work, and saw that it was good. He leaned back and chugged some orange soda.

“Nobody threatens my Fourth Doctor/Sarah Jane fanfiction, bitches. _Nobody_.”


	7. Tender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four/Sarah Jane, almost written for a couple of different people until I reread their preferences and realized how much they disliked noncon. 
> 
> While the mindsex depicted here is entirely consensual, it earns the noncon warning because there is a reference to Sarah Jane getting hypnotized by the villains, and that reference is loaded with noncon subtext.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Four/Sarah Jane, almost written for a couple of different people until I reread their preferences and realized how much they disliked noncon. 
> 
> While the mindsex depicted here is entirely consensual, it earns the noncon warning because there is a reference to Sarah Jane getting hypnotized by the villains, and that reference is loaded with noncon subtext.

The Doctor’s always gentle when he touches her mind. First his fingertips, just skimming against her temples. His voice is hushed, husky, as he asks permission.

Sarah Jane nods.

She trembles a little when he presses his forehead against hers, though it’s still just skin on skin, not mind on mind. He stills, giving her time to reverse her decision, time to say no.

This time she’s brave enough to reach out first, her fingers threading through the curls at the back of his neck as she slides her mind into his. They both gasp, out loud and in their heads. It feels so _good…_

There aren’t words for the next part. There are lights and colors and touches like fire and starlight, but no words. Just her, and him, and the sum of them together.

Sometimes he brushes against the wrong synapse and suddenly she can feel all of them— _Linx The Spider Queen Styre Hieronymous_ —all inside her again, no no no it’s happening again—

He always stops, always pulls his thoughts away and strokes her hair and murmurs comforting nonsense words. Lets her take all the time in the world to come back to herself, pull herself together. He never pushes her to start back up again, and perhaps even more important, he never makes a show about how he’s not pushing her. Just stops, and waits, and accepts.

It makes her heart ache with how much she loves him, more than all the stars in the sky.


	8. Motherhood and Guns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SJA mothers being awesome, written for cantarina1.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SJA mothers being awesome, written for cantarina1.

“You’ve heard I don’t like guns,” Sarah Jane said. “That’s quite true.” She flicked off the safety catch. “You’ll notice, General Kalpyre, that I never said I didn’t know how to use them.”

The general backed up, clutching Luke and Clyde closer to him. “You would not dare!”

Sarah Jane shot off his hat. “That was a warning.”

The general backed up again—right into the barrels of the guns Gita, Carla, and Chrissie had brought up behind him.

“Give us back our children.” Sarah Jane’s voice was steel. “ _Now._ ”


End file.
